For a long time, I was waiting on Abba to step in and make my life beautiful. To clean up the mess that I had made of my own life. To mould me into a new being and to change my story.
I would ask Him to take control, I’d go into my inner room and cry before Him and lift up my arms and say “Change me, Lord, change my story”. And then I’d stand up wipe my eyes and go away. I’d leave His presence and carry on with my day, I wasn’t communicating effectively with Him. I was doing all the talking! I would say everything I had to say and then afterwards I’d leave the room. Soon after, I started to get angry with God because He wasn’t answering my prayers, I felt like He wasn’t listening to me so then I started to drift away from God. I stopped reading my bible and I stopped writing in my journal. I just stopped. I didn’t even write any blog posts because it would be hippocritical of me to come on here and start talking about God when I was running away from Him.
I was so far away from God that I could feel something missing, I wasn’t on fire for God as much. He wasn’t my first though when I woke up in the morning and my last before I went to bed. Something was missing, I’d try and read my bible but it wasn’t the same. It felt like I was forcing it, I tried watching sermons on Youtube and listening to my gospel music. Nothing. I didn’t know what to do. It was in this vulnerable state of mind that the old demons that i had burried began to come back and torment me, the same things that I went through last year started coming back and I felt so weak, I felt like a failure. But just because I had given up on mysef doesn’t mean that God had given up on me. God’s ways are not our ways my friend. We can turn our backs on Him, we can stop talking to Him, we can blame Him for all the wrong things that are going on in our lives but He will never turn His backs on us.
Even though I was still so far away from God, He still used people to remind me that no matter what I’m going through He is still with us. One of them being Ayo (I’ll link her channel below!), she messaged me when I was on my way to work and she reminded me that this walk isn’t easy, but just because we’re struggling that doesn’t mean that God isnt with us. The struggle is real my friend, but He is with you, no matter what you’re going through talk to Him.
“Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never alow the rightous to be shaken”.
&& Her recent video – Subscribe to her channel you guys she does amazing videos!
Kay bye and God bless xo